Oops I did it again

I did it again. Got excited. Thought too far ahead but didn't quite plan. Why does this happen?
I find myself falling short like this so often. You may be wondering what the heck I'm "moaning about" but please do bear with.

See, here's the thing. By nature, I'm a visualiser. Which means I see the end step/goal before it happens. But, the one thing I don't quite see is the steps it takes to get there. And this is usually where I struggle.

Someone recently had a "tough conversation" with me about my lack seeing things to the end and doing this well. And *YIKES* not the most comfortable conversation to be had if I'm being honest, right? But man, I'm glad they pulled me up on it, as my doing so has really let people down in the process. Especially if I agreed to do said things. Perhaps, it's an age thing or just where I am in life that I'm in the process of realising, that your reputation( how people perceive you) is what people hear about you before they even get to know you. Regardless of whether this is good or bad. I find myself then wondering, what do I want my reputation to be? Well, I do know that I want it to be the closest thing to who I know I am and can be.

I wouldn't say that I'm obsessed, but I genuinely want to be the best version of myself where my abilities allow me to be. No more excuses. Anything that falls beyond that circle merely is out of my control, and that is okay. I've walked through many things in life that have really pushed me to play victim time and time again. Without taking any responsibility. And here's the reality, I can actively choose to play into this narrative over and over and over again; however, I then end up in the same place. Frustrated and upset at myself.

So here I am, with a few days to the end of the year, wanting to make a difference. What exactly does that look like? A lot of doing and planning as well as accountability because, again, I can not do this alone. I have found myself in a weird limbo of aiming too high and falling too short. However, tomorrow, tomorrow I try again.

This blog post feels much heavier than my previous ones. Or maybe they are all heavy? hmm haha! I really want to be honest not only to myself but those around me. A big life lesson this year has been learning to have difficult conversations with myself and those closet to me. Sometimes I've been on the giving end and other times on the receiving end. TBT they never feel great. Ever. But I'm so glad and thankful to go through them. Because the woman I see tomorrow is happy to have walked through them.

As always I would love to hear your thoughts on anything I've touched on in today's blog post online or in person.

Until next time!

Lushomo

p.s I have an exciting announcement coming in the new year so be on the lookout for that.


Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

Philippians 4:13

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